the good ones always leave me but the greats stay forever...

I have come to terms with not getting too attached to people. Throughout my life, amazing people have walked in & out of it with no questions asked. I have a tendency to click with people very quickly. I'd say it is a curse and because of that, I do my best to not get too emotionally attached to other people. It has been said that I get along with just about anyone. If for any reason I don't like someone or can't stand them, that is on a very very rare occasion. I haven't quite come to understand God's great path in life for me. He brings amazing people into my life but without hesitation takes them away just as quickly as they came into my life. I can name many people who have impacted me for the greater good & made me want to be a better person but were so quickly removed from my life, that I question why I ever had the chance to know them.

I'm not saying death was what took them away. Usually it was school or work or life in general. It started with Shannon Stein...the first friend I ever had who was actually my age. We were friends for 2 solid, hilarious, adventurous years until her family moved away. Granted we reconnected recently via Facebook nearly 20 years later, but it was a disappointing reunion. I quickly realized that people mean more to me than I ever meant to them. There was Shannon Stigall in 5th grade, Starr Konkus in middle school, Stephanie & Tiffany something in middle school, Matt & Mandy Johnson in high school, several people at Best Buy, Lindsay Lowrey, Jessie B & Heather Wriscy in college. Then there was Mr Tavenaro & Lisa at Walgreens, Angela Simmons at Star 102, Talon, Jake & Trish at Blockbuster, Ginger & Heather at Platte Woods, Sarah from tech school...and the latest "moving on in life" tragedy...Meghan at Shoal Creek.

These are people I became very close to and/or respected greatly beyond words even if I never told them, always expecting them to be around. I take for granted the time I have spent with them, not realizing they would one day walk out of my life. I just assumed they would always be present, never looking far enough into the future to think their life path would change. But it does. We always talk about keeping in touch & still hanging out no matter what. However, we all know that never sticks for very long.

Yes many of us have kept in touch via social medias like Facebook, but a casual post on my wall or comment on my status is not the same as face to face laughter we so frequently enjoyed together in the past. But if it's all we will ever share together again, I will take it in a heartbeat & cherish it all the more!

I bring up those previous names of people I have had the pleasure of knowing, going to school with or working with because they were an elite group of individuals who truly made an impact on my life. Even if our time together was short, I am grateful for it nonetheless. Most recently, Meghan has left us at my current job. She has been a staple at our facility for a couple years now. As lodge manager, all the daycare, boarding & grooming dogs & cats know her...as do all their owners. To watch them all bid farewell to her the past few days has been a pleasure. To see the legacy one person has left behind by simply having been so passionate about their job, is an honor to witness. She is an insane life force I will never understand but will always admire & appreciate. Though her life's path is moving on to bigger & better things, we will all miss her more than words can express. She has been that "sun beam" for all of us in the darkest of days and the icing on the cake on the brightest of afternoons. When someone like Meghan leaves, you wonder how life can go on at work without them. We all know that it will but we refuse to accept that it can. She made each day memorable. From the gurney rides to the time she made up the poop & blood song & dance for me at my request. Mostly the numerous times she stalked me out of pure love. She threw boring overboard every day. No one can or will replace such a sweet spirit.

Now, as I reflect on those select few that I had to bid farewell to at some point in my life because our paths were no longer meant to cross, I am reminded of those that have always been around. The ones I will never shake free of and I hope I never will. I'm talking about the Kristin Nehers, Megan Pattons & Katrina Kaighens that will forever be in my life. I hope to never take for granted their friendships. Though their lives have changed drastically & they've all gotten married at some point, our friendships remain. They are more than friends, they are my family. Even though my heart breaks to think of the select few people in my past I have had to say goodbye to, my heart wells up with joy knowing I never have to say goodbye to those who mean the most to me. My cup runith over when I think of the love & support friends like them have given me over the many years I've known them. The laughter...oh my word, the laughter!! a few sentences can never sum up the life time we have spent together. And I hope there never comes a day were I have to sum it all up in a few words. Friends like those will be my maid of honor or write my eulogy or speak at my funeral & have to leave out the racy parts for the faint of heart. And I will love them all for it!! But haunt them if they ever go into too much detail! I hope that everyone has the chance to have people like Kristin & Katrina & Megan in their lives. It is an honor to know them all & a privilege to call them friends.

I have come to realized that in my life, I can count on one hand the number of people who are & will always be true friends. Everyone else will just be an acquaintance I have had pleasure of knowing at some point. That doesn't make anyone any less special. If you truly know me, you know that I am very hard to get rid of once we are friends. Family can never be forgotten...like it or not, I have a tendency to make friends apart of my personal family. Life is so much better surrounded by people who love you. People who believe in you. People who support you. People who would do anything for you...And that my friends, is what truly gets me through each day.

ramble-a-doos!

-Napoleon Dynamite. Great movie but you have to allow for about 2-3 years in between the times you watch it to still appreciate the random humor so beautifully written. The same goes for watching Juno & Little Miss Sunshine.


-Blowing bubbles. What a calming effect they have on a person. Whenever I start to feel stressed, I track down one of the small party favor size bottles of bubbles I've acquired from the 10's of weddings I've attended. I proceed to sit & blow some bubbles into the room. It helps me relax. Try it. Don't worry about the layer of soap that will wind up on the surfaces around you later. Just enjoy the moment.

-Myspace. What the hell happened to that place? It was the beginning of an amazing social media. One could show off their own personality with their page & also venture out into the world of their favorite musical artists. Don't tell Facebook, but I kinda miss Myspace.


-my niece is too cool for me. My oldest niece is now 6 & half. How that happened, I have no idea! But I've come to realize that she is way more fashionable than I will ever be & I could care less. It matters to her to be cute & in style..thanks Hannah Montana. My oldest niece always asks me why I'm not married yet. I'm old enough that I should be married by now. She always brings that up at the most random dinner conversational moments...I always say, "yea you're right but then again, maybe it's not my time yet! I don't think I've met the right guy who'll think you & the rest the family are as cool as I think you are!"...(puzzled look on young child's face)

-sandwich with no lunch meat. I made this sandwich once. Only because I had to thaw out the lunch meat over night...but when morning came, I forgot to put it on my sandwich before I left for work. Idiot! Sandwich of bread, cheese & lettuce is not edible.

-Rip Torn...Best. Name. EVER!

- World War II. A war that will go down as the last war worth fighting in. I may not be highly informed about what all other wars following that war were about, but I know that this was the last war that we were taught that meant anything to our nation. A war of chivalry. Everything after it was so politically driven it was hard to understand the rest. Vietnam, Korean war, Bay of Pigs, Cold war, Kuwait, Gulf war, Afghanistan & even Iraq. (FYI Wikipedia "Football war" just for the fun of it...sports even cause wars, silly soccer!) At least WWII had an actual motive: to rid the world of a crazy bastard named Hitler. Some may argue that the war on Iraq was the same for Saddam, but I don't see that. That bastard was going down regardless whether there was a war or not. I avoid political news because there is no straight forward information or answer as to what is going on in the world. Whether it be CNN, Fox News or The Daily Show...all opinions are played out in the media & it makes it hard to get the cold hard facts in order to form my own opinion of what is occurring in the world today. Long story short, I hate politics with a passion. Election year is like a horrible nightmare where you can't trust anyone & in the end, everyone gets killed by the psycho!

-driving on correct side of street that you learn during learner's permit exam. I'm not sure why I chose this as a topic but I wrote it down at some point & thought it was worth discussing. Now I'm not so sure. Take from it what you will. Whether you're American or British...the outcome could be different.

-reaching out to estranged family members. I have had a letter written on my laptop to my mother's sister for over a year now. I have re-written it several times & gone so far as to print it out & place in an envelope. But I've never had the courage to send it. The aunt I have been meaning to write has been nothing but a pain in the ass as long as I've known her. There was a brief moment after my grandfather passed away where she was civil but I later found out that was thanks to the Valium she was taking in conjunction with the large amounts of alcohol she was consuming. As of this moment, I have updated the letter to her & printed it out. Monday I will place a stamp on it & send it on it's way. Btw, it is not a hateful letter in anyway. That is not my stance in life. My stance is nothing but forgiveness & the act of moving on. I am informing her of my life & all that has occured in the 7 yrs since we last spoke. I am sad that her & I will never have the kind of relationship that me & my own nieces have. But we must no dwell on the sadness but instead live in the moment & being thankful for today. That leads my next topic....

-Cancer...let's kick this bitch in the back! I recently found out that my best friend's dad may have pancreatic cancer. Things are still very much up in the air as far as actual diagnosis & treatment are concerned. But this is something I have feared for him ever since he began to have issues with his pancreas a couple years ago. This man is like my 2nd father. Granted he is way more strict so I would never want to be raised under his roof! But he has always been present in my life growing up. My heart breaks for his wife & daughters. The next couple of months could & more than likely will be his final days. But we must remember that no one makes it out of this world alive. This man has lived an amazing life filled with loving family & friends, abundant trips & lots of joy. I say that last part because that is what I think of when I think of his family. Joy & laughter sums up my time with that family. I have been lucky enough to have been a small part of it all. They have been my escape from my own life & yet have shapped my life. Reality has struck them hard in the past but they have always swung back harder.


-Do you ever think about throwing TP around your home as if it were crate paper? yea...me neither

-Pets are a part of the family. First it was Star the collie mix who I only got to say farewell to in the back yard before my parents took her to the vet. Next was Packer, who was one of the most handsome red fox labrador there ever was. He was strong & loyal. Sadly he was stolen at just 2yrs old, never to be found again. But then along came Coach. The greatest friend I ever had. Just saying his name brings back a flood of memories. It wasn't until recently that I realized how much that dog meant to me. Now that I'm in the vet field, there's so much I wish I had known was happening to him through out his time with us. From when he got hit by a car & had ortho surgery until his final days as he was suffered with cancer. To this day, I still have dreams about him. I dream he is still alive & by my side as I go through life today. Religious people say dogs will never be in heaven because they have no soul. I beg to differ. Wherever I may end up, if heaven is what you call it, I believe dogs & all other pets will be there. They give you more unconditional love than any other human being could ever give.

I'm done rambling for the time being. I think I touched on too many topics but oh well. I'm making up for lost time, I guess. Thanks to Sailor Jerry for being my muse this evening and to Matisyahu for being my soundtrack tonight. You are my generation's Bob Marley, not quite as amazing but your rhythm & sound will get me thru the day!

loss of a dear friend

I recently received a call that a former neighbor, Shirley, had been found dead in her home. She was only 71 yrs old. It was very unexpected. No cause was determined but it was more than likely related to health problems. When I first heard that Shirley had died, my immediate thought was "what the hell?!?" but then I thought "I guess it was her time". Yes it was a very sad moment. I've done my best to keep my true feelings from those around me. I had to tell my work BFF that I was probably gonna be in a bummer mood the following day because of this sudden loss in my life. That way she could tell others & I wouldn't have to explain my mood. Then when it was brought up the next day at work, I almost lost it & had to just walk away & change the subject. My mom kept saying she just hated Shirley for doing this. It was so unexpected. Just 3 mths ago Shirley was on a cruise with her cousins enjoying life to the fullest. She had been to visit her parents the day before she died. But she didn't show up for a painting class she was taking on Monday. Her parents found her collapsed in her kitchen the following day.

This was a shock to not only her family & ours but the rest of the old neighborhood family. I was lucky enough to grow up in a small culdesac we called "The Circle". Neighbors would come & go but we kept in touch with the ones that meant the most to us. The few that I had the privilege to grow up with in my life are still kept close to my heart & I do my best stay in touch.

When I graduated from college in 2004, Shirley gave me a book titled "Manual For Living." Then last year when I graduated from the vet tech program, she gave me a book titled "The Meaning of Life." I never took the opportunity to read either of them all the way through until the night I found out she had passed away. I couldn't sleep & so I pulled out both books. Granted neither book is very long but the words they contained needed to be read by me at that moment. I can't say that I was extremely close to Shirley but the fact that she was able to function & continue on in life after losing 2 of 3 sons unexpectedly with in a year of each other, show her strong will. She was the epitomeof strength. It's weird to think that i will never see her again. I will never watch her crazy bird dogs. I will never have to clean up after their many accidents due to having to give them their meds in hot dogs & boiled quail. I will never get to sit with her at her kitchen table & talk about how life was going.

I could go on for days on how having Shirley Fraser as a neighbor shaped my life. It was thanks to her sons that I learned the act of practical jokes, motorcycles, camping & beer. I learned the best to way to make a dry ice bomb that will sound like a M-80 no mater what if done right! Shirley saw the best in all of us kids in the neighborhood. She was a constant ray of encouragement. I have her to thank for helping me get into the vet tech program. Whenever I needed a reference, she was the first person that came to mind. When I asked her if she'd be willing to write me a letter, I will always remember the happiness in her voice over the phone. When I went to pick up the letter a few days later, she was so excited to pass it on to me. After attending her funeral, I found out so much more about her. I wish I had known her better. She did many great things in her life & accomplished even more than I ever knew of. I hope that when I die, those left behind will say such words of love & kindness as were said about her. Among Shirley's things, her son found an obituary that she had written about herself. that got me thinking, What if I were to write my own obit? What would it say?

"Amy Dawson was born & raised in Kansas City, MO. After graduating high school in 2000, she attended Northwest MO State where she earned a bachelor's degree in Broadcasting with a minor in Psychology in 2004. After working for KFKF radio for nearly 4 years, she decided there had to be more to life. She went back to school to study veterinary technology where she graduated in 2010. She was finally doing what she loved which was working with animals. The good, the bad & the all the ugly that came with it. Amy grew up always having dogs in her life so it was inevitable that she would one day make a living out of working with them. Amy was know for her humor, quick wit, dedicated friendship & unattainable love for music. Amy always looked for the best in people even if it meant she might get hurt or be disappointed in the long run. She is survived by her parents Rick & Peggy Dawson, her brothers Ryan & Jason & their wives. She is also survived by her 5 amazing nieces & nephews who she dearly loved & whom she was know as AA to: Makenzie, Maggie, Robby, Savannah & Jack. "

That's just a rough draft & I hope there are more great things to add to it when I actually pass away...hopefully many years from now!

lah-dee-freaking-dah!

These are a few things I want to talk about today. I will elaborate on them in just a moment.

-Capitalization.

-EBay

-Songs for Japan

-Stuck in the elevator.

-Ice

-Blue ink pens

-Andy from Parks & Rec

-Apple Sauce.

-Social anxiety

-laundry basket on head

1. Let's start with #1: Capitalization. Since graduating from college, my only major rebellion has been to stop capitalizing the first word of sentences & my own name. Why? I have no idea. I could blame texting for making that happen or I could blame my lack of self confidence as to why I didn't want to capitalize my own name or even the word "I" whenever I type it out but I have decided to change that. I am back to normal grammar as best I can do & because I deserve some respect from myself.


2. EBay. Whatever happened to the fad of selling & buying stuff on EBay? The excitement of finding a collector's item or a cheaper version of your favorite useless thing. Only to have to wait at least 7 days to find out if you "won" it in a virtual bidding war with strangers who had nothing better to do than sit & track their outbiddings. Did all the EBay rage go out in like 2005? It must have been the discovery of Craig's List..which I still feel is really just a poor man's version of the lazy garage sale. I do understand it's useful. The one & only time I used it was to find a home for a dog I was fostering & luckily I didn't meet any creepers like in that Lifetime movie.


3. Songs for Japan. I recently read that Rihanna, Bon Jovi, Ne-Yo & Justin Bieber were coming together to collaborate on an album to benefit those devastated by the recent tsunami & earthquake. I don't know how the people of Japan feel about those artist, but I sure as hell don't think their music (except for maybe Bon Jovi) would in anyway lift my spirits after I lost everything I had plus loved ones. I think listening to them would only make things worse.


4. Stuck in an elevator. Have you ever gotten in an elevator with strangers & immediately thought "what if these are the people I got stuck in an elevator with right now"? Luckily it's never happened but I always imagine if it did. That could be a comedy or horror movie depending on my fellow elevator patrons. Next time you get in an elevator, just take a quick look around at the other people in there with you. Don't worry, you can look around at them because like all people who get in an elevator with strangers, they never look directly at anyone else so you won't have to worry about making eye contact.


5. Ice. I love ice almost as much I like fire. But I don't like driving on ice...and I certainly wouldn't want to drive on fire. I could easily walk across either one. I like ice in a glass but I've never had fire in a glass. I imagine that would be kind of fun though.


6. Blue ink pens. They are my favorite color of pens to write in but due to my job, it's not legal to write in blue ink. Well actually new laws say it can be either black or blue ink but my doctors only prefer black. I miss writing in blue. It makes writing less drab.


7. Chris Pratt aka Andy from Parks & Rec. I awesome sauce him!


8. Apple Sauce....thinking of awesome sauce made me think of apple sauce which I haven't had in a long time. It's best if cinnamon is added to it.


9. Social anxiety. I think I'm starting to develop a form of social anxiety. Which is not good for me because I love being around people. But the past couple months, when I wake up in the morning or am getting ready to go hang out with friends on the weekends, I start to feel nauseous. Maybe it's a fear that I won't be good enough at my job or that I won't be fun enough for my friends. Whatever it is, it's very annoying & I hope it goes away soon.


10. Put a laundry basket on my head. I did that a lot when I was a kid. We would always joke that we were stuck in jail looking out through the "bars" of the basket. I did it today & had a flash back of being 7yrs old again. Btw, I despise folding laundry.

I bid you a-do. May your week be a good one. If you get in an elevator, just remember to take a brief gander at those around you. Imagine the stories behind them that they could bring to the scene if you all got stuck together. It's Sunday night & my brain hasn't worked all weekend so I should probably go to sleep now & hope it resets itself before the morning or else work will be a struggle more than usual.

the prodigal one returns!

It's been brought to my attention that it's been far too long time since I've written on my blog. For whatever reason that's kept me away, I do apologize to anyone who actually looked forward to a random rant by yours truly. Life has been filled with many twists & turns the past several mouths.

I acquired a new job at a vet clinic last May. I passed National boards in July & then became a Registered Veterinarian Technician in the Missouri in November. Overall, I love my job. Granted my clinic can be expensive but I love the doctors I work for because they actually care about their patients & not just about making money off them. They do everything they can to perform the best quality medicine that they possibly can. That's something I never dealt with at my previous employer.

When I first started, I thoroughly enjoyed working with all my other co-workers. They were all hard workers for once! It always takes a while for everyone to get to know the new kid, but I found my niche pretty quick & got along with everyone. The longer I was there, I came to realizing a select few weren't as dedicated workers as I thought. They were constantly calling in sick or having family problems that hindered them from showing up & doing their jobs. I believe that 87% of the time their stories were legit but the remaining 13% are yet to be determined. I have come to realize that the rest of the world was not instilled with the kind of work ethic I was raised with thanks to my parents. Dedication, honesty, eagerness to learn, willingness to help others, sense of teamwork instead of competition. If none of these apply to your work ethic, I am sad for you.

This post is not meant to be a bickering session about my job. I could go on for days, nay...weeks, if given the opportunity to talk about my feelings towards my job right now. But in the end, it would just come across as a bitching session & that's not what this blog is for. Just know that I have an INSANE frustration towards certain things & people at my job that I wish I could control or if someone cared how I felt about it. But this is not the time nor place to elaborate on that topic.

I must let those things go right now because we need to talk about important things like "I Love Lucy." Yes, the television show. I recently got the 1st two seasons of the classic black & white TV show on DVD & I am making a marathon of it! For those of you who don't know the history of television, I'm gonna nerd out right now. "I Love Lucy" changed the way situation-comedies were presented to the world. Mostly for the technique of a 3-camera style production in order to capture upclose character reaction, live-to-tape recording & the art of filming before a live studio audience. We can also credit Desilu Productions for the smart move of airing reruns, which come handy when Lucille Ball became pregnant during filming of the 2nd season of "I Love Lucy". That later gave birth to the financial genius that is syndication! Why I know all this information about a television show is beyond me. But I always watch "I Love Lucy" in aw of the simple concept that changed a medium. The comedic talent & timing was never expected to come from a female role in that era. Sure Lucy played the part of a 1950's housewife but she lived the life of a hilarious independent woman at the same time. There aren't many important people in history I can say I'd like to sit down & have a conversation with, but Lucille Ball is one of them. The woman behind the character was an amazing business woman as well as comedian. She paved the way for many people to this day.

I grew up on black & white TV. Maybe it was because the only television I had in my room only played in black & white. For the longest time I thought Full House & A Different World were in black & white! So I felt like I was an old soul from early on. I say an old soul because, even though I am quite a jokester & love to be silly & have fun, there is a part of me that is always cognisant of what's going on around me. I feel nowadays, most people are too busy with their heads inside their own lives to really know what lies just beyond their own front door. Or just beyond their own boring Facebook status. No one really cares that you are tired or sick or hate your job or the weather sucks or that your kid won't sleep through the night!! Unless there's a funny twist to it. Like you're tired because you stayed up all night trying to memorize the entire dialogue to Driving Miss Daisy in the original southern accents. Or that your kid won't sleep through the night because he now believes he is part bat & must stay awake at night & only sleep during the day while hanging his head off the side of the bed.

If there's not a funny twist to your status update, I will block you from my news feed. Simple as that. I thrive on whimsical & clever statements. If you have nothing different to offer, I do not want to waste my time reading your updates. Life is short so don't bore me with glaring observations.

whew I am done for now. You can thank the Sailor for this ramblefication (clarification of rambling)...yes I made that word up. According to Barney Stinson, inventing your own word shows creativity & vision aka visativity. I just watched the "Possimpible" episode & can't stop making up new words! Its fun try it...it might make your status update or Twitter feeds that much more tolerable for others to read.