Feeling sorry for myself

There aren't many days where I feel sorry for myself but today has been one of those days. For no particular reason, it's been a hard day. Things have hit me all at once lately. I've had a realization that as much as I don't think I'm alone in this walk of life, I know I am. In general, yes I do have an amazing family & friends surrounding me. If faith is factored in, perhaps there's a God on my side as well. But the hard part is being alone on a day to day basis. Coming home each night to an empty apartment. There's no one there to ask how my day went or just check in to see how I am. Or anyone curious enough to just want to know what I'm up to at any given moment. Friends don't call or text much. I'll go a whole week without talking to my family who lives just down the road. Even co-workers have moved on & don't ask me to hang out outside work lately. I have a life full of acquaintances but no true close friends any more. Everyone has moved on & done great things in their lives. I've been stagnant for years now. I used to be the one who kept in touch with everyone but after I was burned by a few good friends who dropped me all at once, I've found it hard to trust people with my heart so I keep my distance from others. What I wouldn't give for a guy to just sit & hold my hand for a while to show he cared. Such a minimal thing. There's a great line in a song that goes "I'd give a $100 to get a letter, if at the bottom it said 'I miss you back'." I'd love for someone to care that much about me. Luckily I have a dog now. He's pretty awesome & wants to be by my side all the time but that's just not the same has human companionship.

Six, pick up sticks

I've had some really randomly vivid dreams the past few nights. They've all been related to current situations & people in my life. Details not to follow but in a few of the dreams issues were resolved. I'm sure in real time these things could happen but it will be very unlikely to do so at this point. Dreams are the escape from reality until reality butts into them. However, wishful thinking about silly dreams is a waste of time. One must move on...from dreams & certain realities.

Today's song: These Days by The Foo Fighters

Five songs

The following songs keep resurfacing in my life these days.

1. The Cave - Mumford & Sons
2. Taking Chances - Kate Micucci
3. Take Your Time - Fun.
4. Lost In My Mind - The Head And The Heart
5. Falling Slowly - The Swell Season

cuatro qantas

the planning for the best trip of my life is under way. I have always wanted to travel the world. Seven years ago I got a pass port for the first time. I had every intention of going to visit a friend one summer in the Philippians. Things never panned out. My pass port still remains stampless to this day. I do not want it to be like that forever. This year I hope to change that.

three's a crowd...

I might be a little too sentimental or more emotional than other people but I shouldn't feel guilty or stupid for being like that. At least I have a heart & not an ice cube for a soul.

de dos diaś

Every day for the past 6 months at least, I've dreaded going to work. I can not pin point the reason but my attitude has been all wrong. I think I've tried to convince myself for the past 4 yrs that I have chosen the right career path again. There are moments I absolutely love my job but most days it frustrates me. But what makes me different than anyone else? Nothing. I know not everyone loves what they do for a living but they try to make the best of it. That is what I will try to do for now. Accept the position I'm in & make the best of it. Today I put myself in a position of negotiation with my boss...for now I just wait to see how he responds. If all goes according to plan, then great! If not, I'll be heading in a different direction. The waiting game begins....

A new day

I woke up today. Not everyone can say that. It's a new year meant for new adventures. Last year I burned many bridges thanks to my own selfish ways. Some I will never be able to rebuild & others it's probably best I not even attempt to. But this year is my very own to do with it whatever I want. I don't want to regret it like I do most of the previous year. I'm moving on...