i'm movin' on

its never good to start a rant when its already late & i gotta work in the morning plus i've had a few beverages! but this is where i will vent. no one reads this anymore anyways so its really just a "dear diary" moment. just over a month ago I had an Oath & Pinning ceremony for completing the Veterinary Technology program. YES it was just through Maple Woods & YES that is just a community college & YES it only took 2 yrs (really 3 with pre-reqs). but i have never felt a greater accomplishment than graduating from this program.

May 5, 2010 was a big night for me. it was a fun night to finally share with friends & family what i'd really been threw the past 2yrs. i was finally completing something i had worked so hard for & felt so passionate about. sure i'd graduated before from a 4yr college with a degree in something i thought i was gonna use to change the world! clearly i was mistaken. but this time around i have a feeling i might actually serve a purpose & maybe for once earn some actual respect from friends & family.

the Oath & Pinning ceremony meant a lot to me. and i wanted the people that meant so much to me to be there to share in this occasion. But as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that I don't mean as much to others as I thought I did. Big wake up call!!

i gave people who decided not to show up the benefit of the doubt on that night since it was during the middle of the week & may have been hard to attend. or else they had better plans to go celebrate Cinco de Mayo with discounted margaritas. However, i then had a graduation party on a Sunday afternoon....and i was blown off yet again by people who promised they'd come or promised they'd meet up with me later that night. now i understand the term "empty promises". those seem to be the only thing people know how to make these days because it must be so much easier to say "yes" than to face the question of "why not."

Usually when I’ve been wronged by a friend it makes me question all my other friendships. What did i do to allowed that person to turn against me or get the best of me. I get defensive & think the only way to prevent it from happening again is to distance myself from other friends so it doesn’t happen again. This is why I don’t let many people get that close to me. I fear being let down time & time again. It’s happened all too often for me to let my guard down. Conclusion: People Suck!

over the past 2 yrs, me & my classmates have all bonded in this vet tech program & i finally have a group of friends i can talk to about my job or school & they completely understand. they aren't totally lost & don't try to change the subject mid-story due to "lack of interest". sure we're kind of nerdy because we used our vocab words as a basis for conversation or hilarious song paradies but that's what makes it fun. a big majority of these folks are younger than me...ok so 13 out of 17 of them were younger than me! damn i'm old! however, i've never been a part of a group quite like these people. i've been in many groups, on teams, or with co-workers & friends in the 27yrs i've been roaming this earth. but never have i witnessed such camaraderie among such a large group of people.

as many know when placed within a group of people or among friends, there's always an underlining feeling of competition. you wanna be just a little better than this person in something or really hope that person doesn't do quite as well in something. that feeling is absent for me towards my vet tech class. but sadly that feeling lurks among all other aspects of my life.

My days of wearing a back park have come to an end. There’s something comforting about wearing a back pack. I’m not sure if it’s the gentle hug I get from the back pack straps or the feeling that I’m carrying knowledge around on my shoulders & hopefully one day i'll actually learn & remember that knowledge!

Do you ever feel like there’s more out there for you to do? i thought this vet tech program was the thing for me. but what if it isn't? what if i have always been meant to be part of the music industry. it haunts me everyday...maybe i didn't work hard enough or make enough sacrifices to make that dream happen? when i hear a good album or even one great song from it, i get this feeling in my heart: overflow of joy. and when i hear crap, i immediately shut that shit off! my heart is open to music. i wish i could write it but i could never write a song because i suck at rhyming & i'm too long winded. every song would be American Pie length for me! the Don McLean song, not the stupid movie, idiots!

well hell...at 27 yrs & 51 weeks old, i still have no idea what my purpose is in this world. What defines you? is it your hair, your car, your makeup, your socks, your weight, your job, your family, your tattoos or piercings, your athletic ability, your taste in music, your knowledge, your humor, your ability to argue well, your kindness, your temper, your patience with others, your ability to talk, your ability to listen, your hobbies, you wiliness to let others win because it means so much to them, you ability to accept new friends, your love for the funny papers, your taste in alcohol, your whimsical comments?

don't just brag about it, be about it!